SYMPHONY

And in a moment

my soul heard

a sound that bypassed my brain

… washed away life pressure stains,

bringing joy I could hardly contain

… and I floated in

rainbow wrapped freedom

SONNET 1

Through all my life I thought that I would be
Someone who always struggled with their past
And all my hopes of ever being free
Were just a pile of dreams that couldn’t last
With aching heart and shattered soul I tried
To rise above the dirt that dragged me down
In every grain a little of me died
And smiling was much harder than to frown
But being down is such a waste of time
We only get one chance to live today
And not to grasp it would be such a crime
Decades too late I’m learning how to play
The past is past I’ve laid it all to rest
So glad that I have got it of my chest

OUT TO LUNCH

My psycho’s
are
in therapy

My counsel’s
being
counselled
and
I
am
free

if
you
fancy
joining me

JUST WANDERING

So where are we going then mind
what journey shall we take
what shall we look at
those fish in the river that no-one else could see
I swear they were there
but Dad said that I was imagining things
and that was lying so I must be careful
Lying is bad
but when it is real to me is that I lie
Say what you mean
tell the truth
but what is the truth
what you want to hear or what I saw
which one is a lie
I’m older now
try and tell it how it is
not get too near to drowning
by holding on to the rocks
slipping but just saving my sanity
so that you are saved
by not hearing what you do not want to hear
What a mess this truth lie business
Thoughts racing around in my head
memories, real things
real times, real moments
with nowhere to go
I lose either way
tell you and you get angry
don’t tell you and you get angry
Strange world
but I am hanging in there
wet, bruised and catching a glimpse
of the most beautiful sunset that your back is turned to ...

WHAT I GOT

I ain’t got a dad like you
Mine don’t tell me what to do
Let’s me do just what I like
So I stay out on my bike

And me mum is different too
Don’t give me no jobs to do
Let’s me eat pizza every day
Don’t make me put me stuff away

Me brother he don’t have a clue
What the ‘ell I get up to
Truth is even he don’t care
Too busy spiking up his hair

So you want to be me, do you
Doing anything you want to do
You don’t know nothing, idiot
I’ve got nothing, you’ve got the lot



MarieAntoinette
25.01.2009

BE SAFE

So your childhood has caused all this
And you blame it all on your parents
Just children themselves who got screwed up
And then blamed it all on their parents
Who had tried to do the best they could
But then they blamed it on their parents
Who’d tried to provide a better life
From the one they’d had from their parents

You have chosen to feed off all that shite
And blame the things that they didn’t get right

Well if you don’t want kids with stuffed up lives
And then blaming it on their parents

Use a condom






MarieAntoinette
21.01.2009

after reading the words in a newspaper ‘Who’s to blame’

FEAR

School report under my pillow
With the watch I broke yesterday
How am I going to tell him

Learn to behave like a lady
Sit, knees together, don't fidget
But the rules change every day

Speak when you are spoken to
Don’t be sullen and say nothing
I never know which one to do

Use your initiative my girl
Who asked for your opinion
Is imagination so wrong

I said hold your knife properly
And sit up to the table girl
The more I try the worse it gets

Don’t start crying like a baby
You don’t know how lucky you are
You can just get to bed my girl

Do you want the back of my hand
You need to be taught a lesson
Did you bring your school report home

Created from the title and old memories
.

SHOES IN A CHARITY SHOP

We’ll go first they said with pride
Navy extra wide, elastic sides
Don’t think because of our clumsy look
We don’t have memories to write a book
They emptied out her wardrobe today
Took all her clothes and shoes away
But we all had a story to tell
Of days before, when she was well
Us, we went to her daughters wedding
In a wheel chair too, confounded thing
But we saw her eyes, like diamonds glisten
And felt her pride as she intently listened
To her only child who offered her life
To the man she loved, to be his wife
We looked a picture, let us tell you too
Complimenting a suit of pale sky blue
Now she’s gone unsaved, despite her wealth
And we’re now stuck here on this shelf

And we, my darlings, have had to let go
To a wondrous life, said the pink stilettos
You would not believe the life we’ve led
Paris, Rome, cruises on the Med
Champagne, caviar, salmon and cucumber
Always dressed in a slinky number
A dashing man dangling on each arm
She oozed with confidence and charm
But then the years were not so kind
When alcohol muddled up her mind
Friends then started to fall away
Said they would call her another day
We stayed in a box for years and years
Among feather boas and long dried tears
Last week she threw us all away
We’d rather hoped that we would stay
But we did the rounds, covered the map
And now the cat’s sat on her lap

A little voice you could hardly hear
Said We’re not even supposed to be here
We should be at the park with Molly
Having a picnic under the oak tree
Said the cute little size five red T bar’s
With little pink embroidered stars
We’d always dreamed that we would be
Dipped in gold for the Christmas tree
We’ve been with her everywhere
Steadied her when she let go of the chair
Toddled in daisies in the sun
Splashed a few puddles, that was fun
But Molly’s grown just a little bit
And the shoe lady said that we don’t fit
Her feet are bigger and need new shoes
Patent with bows they’ll probably choose
And now we’re here we will never know
If Molly remembers how we loved her so

Don’t be down, you did your job
Said the size twelve brogues with the laces off
We all have our moment; that much is true
And in that moment, do the best we can do.
We both got into a spot of bother
Running around on the feet of a robber
Spent the night in a cold police cell
Got displayed in court as evidence as well
Policeman put our laces into the bin
In case old Smithy tried to do himself in
Stupid really, because he was only hungry
And sadly didn’t have any money
He wasn’t a villain, just an old man
Sleeping at night in a broken down van
At least for now he’s in the warm
In the King’s Cross homeless shelter dorm
Just look at us all, what a motley crew
Leather memories … and a bit of plastic too!

.

MY BROTHER - 1958

I told my teacher
And my friends
About my brother
He's brand new

His pram is white
With a black hood
And a rose picture
Stuck on the side

It has big wheels
Like a go cart
I have to tippy-toe
To see inside

My baby brother
Smiles at me
Shares my room
And my teddies

I really love him
He's all mine
I tell my teacher
All about him

Mum came to school
To see my work
My teacher asked
About our baby

My mum’s real mad
Said I told a big lie
I can’t go out to play
For a whole week

She hasn’t told my dad
But she will tonight
But it weren’t a lie
I want one
.
.
.

ONLY CHILD

.

I’ve got mates
I have

Best friends
My best friends

Not yours
Mine

My very own
They like me

Let me play
Let me win

Better than your
Mates

I get presents
I do

Loads of them
Got everything

Star Wars
Cars

Soldiers
Everything

Cos I’m lucky
I am

Got my own room
Own telly

I have
Really

I don’t care
What you got

Not bothered
At all

I’ve got mates
I have

They’ll come to play
... Soon

.

.

.

For Chris

THE CAT SAT ON THE MAT

.

the cat sat

on the mat

the tabby

cat sat

on the red

mat the brown and white tabby cat sat on the soft red mat the fluffy

brown and white tabby cat sat on the corner of the soft red mat

the little fluffy brown and

white tabby cat quietly

purred as it sat on the

corner of the soft

red fireside mat

the cute little fluffy

brown and white tabby cat dozed and quietly purred as it

sat on the warm corner of the soft red woollen fireside

mat

the

cat

still

sat

on

the

mat

.

NEGGLES - A soldiers mascot

When Bertie went away to war so much was on his mind
For he had to leave his wife and brand new son behind
Turned his head at the street corner, waved and blew a kiss
To the loved ones in his life he would so desperately miss

But unbeknown to Bertie and packed within his kit
Were pairs of socks his wife had stayed up late at night to knit
A letter and few photos wrapped in a change of underwear
And pushed down in the corner, was little Neggles bear

Elsie cried for days in secret, though knew it had to be
That her beloved Bertie had to fight for his country
‘A better life for us’ he said as they cuddled in the night
Bertie had learned already that nothing is gained without a fight

Neggles bear was feeling anxious for he had done all this before
When Berties dad had fought for freedom in the First World War
They saw so many dreadful sights, until Tom finally got hit
Got sent home with a shattered leg and Neggles in his pocket

Bertie had not forgotten the stories that his father had told
When cuddled under blankets to keep out all the cold
For work was out the question if you had a gammy leg
And Tom was far to proud a man to be seen to go and beg

Tom passed on his dreams in stories, with Bertie on his knee
Told his son of the wonderful life that one day would be
Even kissed him on the cheek once, which was something very rare
An action never seen before by Neggles teddy bear

Now Neggles bear and Bertie were off to war once more
Bertie very anxious, Neggles having seen it all before
Last time it was the trenches, this time it would be tanks
Both times to fight for their country with very little thanks

Little Neggles was uncertain of where his place should be
As a mascot to young Bertie or to comfort poor Elsie
But Elsie knew that Bertie had brought a soldier home before
And hoped beyond hope that he could do the same once more

Once Bertie had found Neggles in the corner of his kit
He kissed him on the cheek, just once, and placed him in his pocket
Felt so very safe again knowing that Elsie cared so much
To send her love with Neggles so they would always be in touch

And THEN he said ...

.

I do not have to do for you
The things you do for me
Like cook and clean, iron your jeans
Or make you cups of tea

I do my bit, I go to work
Bring home my weekly wages
I take you shopping every week
To Tesco or to Sainsburys

I don’t put away the shopping
And why I’m sure you know
We’ve only been married thirty years
And I don’t know where things go

I don’t get annoyed when you don’t sit down
And help do the crossword with me
You never hear me complaining because
You’re in the kitchen washing up after tea

It’s easy for you in your office all day
Drinking tea, tapping away on a computer
You don’t understand the stresses I have
In my van, as a motorway commuter

I’ve been outside all day in the wet and the cold
I need to relax with the paper and coffee
So please don’t complain when you get indoors
That you have to set to and cook tea

For I’m easy to please with my meals
You don’t have to spend hours in the kitchen
But because you’re my wife and you love me
Please remember my favourite’s roast chicken!

After I’ve eaten, showered and watched TV
I’ll maybe pop to the pub for a couple
Yes, I know that you haven’t sat down yet tonight
But at least it helps you stiff back keep supple

I get so wound up when you get annoyed
And shout about my not helping you
Because I never complain, do I ever
About all of the things that YOU do

So my darling dear wife
Please just try and see
That you do all of these things
Because

...
You love me!

.

SUMMER OF '69

Summer fields invaded by love and peace
Isle of Wight in sixty nine

Beads and scarves and matted hair
Starry eyes and hazy smiles

Thirty first of August for just one night
Bob Dylan with guitar sings

How I wish that I was there
Instead I dream from Pontins

Bee Gees Don’t forget to remember me
The juke box constantly pleads

Ding Dong Good Morning Campers
Go away and let me sleep!

The worlds gone crazy in the other field
Or so my granddad tells me

So wrong the drugs and free love
It’s different with my mummy

My mum’s on drugs but it’s OK you see
Because she’s so unhappy

Wearing plastic smiles all day
And doesn’t even know me

I wish the photographer hadn’t done
The photos in the bedroom

Sleazy snapshots of her breasts
My gut had said not trust him

I went to make sure that she’d be safe
She was wearing drugged up eyes

Just sixteen when he touched me
And the inside of me died

Everybody’s thinking that I hate her
They are so far from the truth

I just want her as my mum
Not living my stolen youth

So in the year twenty five twenty five
Perhaps I’ll come back again

To love and peace abundant
Put the juke box on my friend

LAUGHTER ...and tears ...

.

Laughter … and tears
Our memory builder
Childhood dreams
Shared
A boy and his mum
From one, grow older

Talking … for hours
Far into the night
About worries
Dreams
Not getting it wrong
But getting it right

A boy … to a man
In almost a day
Her firstborn
Gone
Not able to share
He was taken away

Kept … at a distance
Would be sad as a song
Jealousy
Kills
Eats and destroys
While love mends a wrong

Don’t deny … love
Of the purest kind
A candle
Glows
Keep it safe
Let it dance in the wind

LAST CUT

I cut the grass today
In my garden
Soon it will not be my garden
The grass will still grow
Bend beneath my children’s footsteps
Hear their laughter
I will not be there
I have to go
To survive

To hear my children’s laughter
To live
I have to go
Find a new garden
For my children
For me

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

ME LIFE
inspired by a northern lad!

Me family’s me family
And out
Again

Me dad’s at work
Till late
Eleven

Me mam’s on sofa
Sleeping
Again

Me sister’s upstairs
With Twat
Kevin

Me dog’s in garden
Shittin
Again

Me Granny’s at Bingo
With Auntie
Ellen

Me Grandad’s at Pub
Or Dogs
Again

Me mate’s in back alley
Collecting
Fag ends

Me lifes’s me life
Just mine
Till ten